Photobucket

Alyse and I got one for all of our pictures from the trip, because the only thing worse than someone who updates their status every time they think of something like it's twitter is someone who posts all of their photos from a trip. 

So if you want to see them, go to photobucket.com and search joebosan or linked here. 

The albums are on the left side and are still being uploaded at the moment. And will surely be edited by Alyse, who already wants me to take down this gem. 

Skirting the issue- Rant

We are here. Well, not really. The university is a little further out of Madrid then the brochure might have led one to believe. Close enough. 

With our ten days of travel now over, I have some good stories for you. One in particular is quite funny. 

Earlier, I bitched and bitched and bitched about the French being, yup you guessed it, bitches. Here's a good reason. 

Alyse and I are walking into the Sacre Couer, a nice cathedral near our hostel. Pretty, but when did Catholic churches start charging to see things inside of it? They were literally charging 4-5 euros to go see the chapel in the back with the blessed Eucharist. Let me tell you, when you have seen one eucharist, you've seen them all– that's the point. I guess this is why the French are mostly protestants (read: pagans). 

Anywho, when we are walking into the pews, some random-ass old indian guy, who looked as if a shovel had been taken to his face one time more than a hundred, approached us. No joke, his eyes went every which way other than straight. So when he grabbed Alyse by the arm and started scolding her, we were kind of weirded out. 

We don't speak French or whatever shit was coming out of his mouth, but it appeared that he was offended by the length of Alyse's skirt, which was quite modest by today's standards. "Mademoiselle...blah blah blah." 

He pointed at her skirt (I'm telling you, it was a fine skirt) and then pointed towards the exit. This fucker was making a scene in church. Get this, he didn't even work for the church. He was just some rando-fat-ugly-bastard. 

After he realized we weren't giving a damn what he thought, he stormed off in his bitch-ass french way– he surrendered. No one else had a problem with it or dared to confront Americans, whose grandfathers had saved their cowardly ancestors from Hitler. They should have thanked us.

Moral of the story, if you are only living because we saved you, then you should probably take it like you always have and keep your mouth shut. 

But this only ends the French section of the story. 

In Venice at St. Mark's square, we turn to part two of the story. They charge too. 

As we walked into the church, we were stopped by church employees, who made Alyse, wearing a very modest sundress, put on a scarf over her shoulders. They almost made her wrap one around her waist because her dress didn't quite cover her whole knee. 

The thing about this, is that they were charging a euro for the napkin they put on her. They didn't care about her modesty necessarily, because she was well-dressed. They were just trying to make a buck off the free entrance. Ridiculous. Oh and at the end of the walk around the church, they make you give back the napkins. 

I didn't realize a church could be such a profitable enterprise. Forget selling consumer products, let's take over a church and live like kings.

Here it was 4 euro to climb to the top (another 2 if you wanted to take the lift), 4 euro to see the chapel, and a euro per napkin. Pure insanity. I refuse to pay to be catholic. It was really bothersome and, as you can tell, it still is bothering me. 

The Vatican was better. Saw the pope and oddly enough he didn't stop the pope mobile as he went by to tell us that he had a problem with Alyse's fashion. The swiss guard didn't care, nor did the people running St. Peter's Basilica, nor the people at the Vatican museum, or at the Sistine chapel. It was refreshing. It did cost money to see the vatican museum, but it was well worth the 12 euros or whatever the cost. 

The pope was free. The point is, you shouldn't have to pay for religion and, as long as you are not in a bikini and are wearing clothes, you should have a place to worship. 

Thanks for reading the rant. Sorry, it probably wasn't that enjoyable. Therefore I offer you this joke as reparation. My dad told it to me. 

A woman, who has been married for twenty years, has recently taken issue with her sex life– her husband insists that they always have sex with the lights off. 3-5 times a week for the last 20 years, the lights were always off. It really bothered her. 

So one night, while she was having sex with her husband, she flicked the lights on. 

"What is that?" she exclaimed. 

"It's a dildo," her husband said. 

"Am I not attractive enough anymore?" She asked.

"No, no, it's not that."

"Well, what is it?"

"I'm impotent. Always have been. I did this, so you wouldn't leave me because of the no sex thing."

"Oh," she said. She was embarrassed. 

"Alright," he said.  "Now, you explain the 3 kids."

Venice Thought

This was an internet-less thought I had the other day while in Venice:

There's an American movie on our 12 inch tv, it's dubbed into Italian. I can't recognize any of the actors. It might not be Hollywood, but it's definitely not Italian. The German Shepherd is really smart. It knows things– I couldn't tell you what– other than that it is smarter than any dog on television. Air Bud was good, REX is better, well, at least I think his name is Rex. 

 We're in Venice now. It rained our last day in France. We were up at the Sacre Couer and it started pouring (it was supposed to be sunny). We had one sweatshirt. And as it became more and more obvious during our short stay in France, I have more manners than the entire Parisian population (read: Alyse wore the jacket). 

The French were rude. They climb over you in line. Bump into you in public without so much as a "sorry." And they generally only look out for number 1. 

The French are all " I guys." To translate, all we heard this whole trip was "Me, me, me, me, me," to which another person would respond with "No, me, me, me,me!" and on and on for days. 

The city was beautiful. We saw it all on a free tour with a company called NewEurope, who's guides work solely for tips. 

Oh, no gondola rides for us. A 100 euro a ride. Wait, what? Yeah, 100 euro a ride. Come on everybody, say it with me in unison– FUCK THAT.

World Tour- update

It is not my fault, the hostels do not have internet. I am literally writing on a computer that still runs on windows 95. Ouch. Oh and I cannot find the apostrophe so no contractions for today. Anyway, France was fun, but the people are bitches, more to come on that later. Right now, we are in venice on borrowed internet time, which is wacked. So there supposedly free internet in roma , where we will be the next few days, so expect posts. And then after that Spain for 5 weeks, where I will get back to my old daily schedule.
I hope this finds you well.

Europa

2 months. Here we go. 

Sporadic updates. Great Stories. And pictures. 

I'm about to make Europe my bitch.

Quote Bag

"Why are you always riding his ass?"

My father to me, regarding me bitching Jake around about everything, all the time.

Sex and the City

I am watching the movie, again. This time with my mom and my brother. 

I like this movie, which, as Jake and Bruno point out, is such a Samantha thing to say. Anyway, I really like this movie. 

It goes beyond the typical surface of the show. It has depth. It depicts serious problems that cannot be resolved with a Carrie Bradshaw one liner at the end of the episode. And most importantly the source of the problems are not blamed on the men. 

The problems are on both people, so to say that every problem is a result of a multitude of things. No, this isn't bitching about my relationship with Alyse, because anything that goes wrong in that one is always my fault, really, I'm not being sarcastic. We're perfect just for the record.

 But this movie says something about problems in general. It shows the audience both sides of the problem. It's hard to do that in the real world, especially when you are involved, but it's something worth trying. Take yourself out of the situation and ask what about me is causing this issue, even if you feel that it is all on someone else, you are at fault as well. 

I know I'm not the poster boy for this. I'm sorry. There, that's a start. So, if I've wronged you, then Fuck off, it's your fault– only kidding.

Give it a try. And watch the movie too. 

The prophet

I said 5, and it was 5. Sure 5 games is a safe bet, but damn it feels good to be right.

I told Alyse and I now tell you as well, if the Cavs get two non-role players (scorers), then the parade will be in Cleveland this time next year. 

James needs less witnesses on his team and more serious ball players. Without some moves for a better supporting cast, it will be a healthy Celtics squad that take it all in '10.  

It has been said, so it shall be done. 

OBEY SALE

Once again, it was legit. Everything was dirt cheap and worth the wait and Andrew and I got a funny story out of it. 

So we get to the warehouse at 12:45 am and I send Andrew to check it out while I park. Parking takes me, maybe, 2 minutes max. 

He calls me to tell me that they are giving wristbands out so we don't have to wait outside all night. I run over there, literally sprint. 

And as luck would have it, Andrew got the last wristband and I was the first person who didn't get one. I had to wait outside all night. But being the good friend that Melchor is, he didn't let me hold down the front of the line alone. 

So there we were, in the middle of a parking lot, next to 3 port a potties and a dumpster, in the middle of Orange County in our sleeping bags.  

I got about 45 minutes of sleep because this kid next to me kept talking. Comics. Tetris. What was inside. He was dying to know. He had a million questions about the sale because I was an expert, having been there last year. 

Melchor slept like a baby (read: bitch) for about 4.5 hours. 

The pain of sleeping in a parking lot was worth it. It was an experience. And the prices were so cheap. 

OBEY does not disappoint. Good times. 

Sportswriting- sometimes it hurts

One of my daily blog reads, Jeff Pearlman (sportswriter), put up a good piece today about a difficulty that comes with writing sports– the players' egos.

With the exception of Men's crew, I have been lucky with my teams, who, for the most part, enjoy seeing their name in print or respect me enough to answer some questions even after a tough loss. 

But it has been a while since an athlete completely blew me off, and I feel this guy's pain.

Ouch.

Gran Torino

Watching it for the third time with the family, I still really like it. 

First time I saw it, I cried.

Second time, I realized why I like this film so much. It remind

One of my favorite themes in all of literature is a man who no longer can find a place in the society that he defined his life around–Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, I am at a loss to recall others. In Walt Kowalski's case, it is the America that he fought to defend.

The dialogue from Clint is awesome. Some of the shit he says is so outrageous and racist, it's surprising.

ex:

I used to stack fucks likes you, five feet high in Korea, use ya for sand bags.

Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Get the fuck out of here." 

(while grilling for his Hmong neighbors) "How do you like your dog -- I mean steaks?"

He calls people Pusscake. 

Great movie. Laugh, Cry, good either way.

See it. You won't be disappointed.

Travel Blog

As promised, here is a link to the Daily Cal's travel blog I am writing for.

A few more days to go, then I'm out bitches.

An Important Announcement

Paolini's pregnant. That is all.

Grammar Issues

I understand that the world is ending and soon Jesus and his wife and kids (Credit: Dan Brown) and the four horsemen will be here to fight the battle of Good vs. Evil. But really, do we have to let grammar fall by the wayside?

A&E seems to think so. The other night I was watching Bridezillas with Alyse. Yes, we watch Bridezillas and fuck yea, I love it. 

During the commercials between the bitchfest that is Bridezillas, A&E was begging us to watch their show "Gene Simmons Family Jewels."

No typo here. Grammar Fail. Where is the apostrophe to show ownership? It doesn't make sense. Is the apostrophe considered to be a stylistic punctuation? 

If it were a stylistic dispute  the dispute would be this:

"Gene Simmonses' Family Jewels" 

or 

"Gene Simmons's Family Jewels"

 or more simply

"Gene Simmons' Family Jewels" 

I don't care which you like better, but the apostrophe is necessary. The show is about Gene Simmons and his family, so to speak, Gene Simmons is the reason people watch the show, the family jewels just belong to him. The show would also work as "Gene Simmons and his Family Jewels."

But Goddamit, it cannot be "Gene Simmons Family Jewels." Unless they are trying to say that these are four related nouns without a verb, which doesn't really make sense either. 

Oh well, I'm changing this to Joe Cannon Blog and I'll send a letter to Disney because they need to change it to "Walt Disney Magic Kingdom." 

The Hangover

Carlos (above) deserves a nod from the academy for this one.

Overall, not my favorite movie. But there were a few parts in it that I cried from laughter. I don't want to spoil it. Carlos was fucking awesome.

Go see it. It was worth the matinee price. I would've paid the non-student discount evening price as well.

Oh and there was a special Bruno trailer before the film and people were literally dying in the theatre. I cannot wait.

For now sate your appetite with The Hangover or if you're Paolini text everyone you know and tell them that Kobe has AIDS (Legal Note: He does not).

Charlie Murphy

His "True Hollywood Stories" captured Jacuzzi Dude hearts everywhere for years and now, after a brief hiatus, Charlie Murphy returns as LeRoy Smith, the man who motivized Michael Jordan. 

This is epic.

OBEY

It was bad ass last year. I'm sure it will be great again.

Softball

The season's over. It was fun. I really think that softball is a great sport. And I'm in good company, apparently Jake Locker, who I wish would wear a Cal jersey, was up in OKC for the WCWS as well. Read this

NBA Finals

Lakers in 5. 

You know I hate Kobe, but I love the lakers. I miss the old days, not showtime, but Shaq era. It was just better then. 

The Magic are good, but I don't think they can handle the entirety of LA's lineup. 

Rashard Lewis will have to shoot over either Trevor Ariza or Lamar Odom, not Delante West. The one who doesn't guard Lewis will be on Turkoglu, who won't be able to get inside like he did against the Cavs, who had really no one to match-up with him.

The Lakers have no answer for Dwight Howard inside, but both of the Laker centers better than Z and Varejao. In Varejao's case, maybe not defense, but as a whole I would rather have Bynum and Gasol. If Howard can score 80 a game, this might be a series, but I doubt it. 

And as much as I hate to say it, Kobe will be, as always, unstoppable. If they all turn their heads toward Kobe, like they did against Lebron, the Lakers will make their open shots, if Kobe passes. Yes, Lebron is a better passer than Kobe, but it won't make a difference if they leave the Lakers as open as they left the Cavs. 

Skip to my lou can be handled by Derek Fisher, who is well past his prime.

The Wild Card is Jameer Nelson, who was just activated today. He will probably be out of shape a bit since he has been out for a few months, but the guy is baller. Nelson even 75% is better than any guard on the floor, so that will be interesting. If he gets nasty, I will have to take back my prediction.

Until then, this is the Lakers' championship to lose.

This will be a 5 game series, maybe 6. Maybe. 

 

I have been awful

My blog updating has sucked. There is no way around that fact. For the most part of this summer, I have done nothing. Nothing. I have no excuse at all. None. 

Well, not exactly. I have been spending the majority of my time trying to figure europe out. Alyse and I just booked hostels for Paris, Venice and Rome, which for the most part were kind of expensive, but they tell me you only do this once, so here goes. 

I have never been out of the country, other than to mexico, which looks a hell of a lot like southern california, so I refuse to count that. 

I'm really excited for the trip, but Alyse and I are both horrid worriers, making our preparation a little more stressful than it needs to be for an amazing summer. 

Sidenote: I refuse to let this turn into shitty ramblings about my time in europe, I will be contributing that info to the Daily Cal travel blog and if I ever get around to making my first post I will link to. I will, however, share with you stuff that I know you will find interesting, like if I get hit on by an obese, cross-dressing taxi driver. I will not tell you how much everything costs, because to be honest Mark Cheever does a damn good job of the numbers/ history  game in his travel blog.

But yeah, Alyse is now ready to go buy our eurail select passes ($279 each), so I will continue this later.

I promise.