Midget Cruise

I sent my first ever email to ESPN.com's Bill Simmons today. He wanted a reality show idea and Tim and myself have done a pretty damn good job developing probably the best show ever. So the email read-

You need two more reality tv shows to complete the summer of 2009. Make it one.

It begins with marketing. You need a ton of advertising all over America, saying that (insert network name here) is casting for an all-sexy-singles cruise for the newest and hottest reality show ever. It's completely free. Drinks, food, living, you can get all this just for being sexy. The thing we don't tell these young sex-crazed young adults is that the cruise is all female. They only find out after the cruise leaves port. At first, they are going to be weirded out, but hey, it's a free cruise, so they will try to enjoy themselves.

But here's where it gets good. All the food is phallic shaped. All the drinks have dirty names. On tv, only porn. The music that is played over the ship's pa has been taken from soundtracks of the porn industry's best. Everything says, "sex." So first the women resort to drunk hook-ups with other chicks (we might have to pay some royalties to Joe Francis for this). Then after six months of phallus-less cruising, we dock. But not to let the women off of the ship, but to send hundreds of male midgets on board.

This is where the game gets interesting. The last person, who resorts to having sex with a little person will win one million dollars, but none of the women know this. The jingle goes as follows, "MIDGET CRUISE! How long 'till you fuck 'em?" Every moment will be filmed. It will make us millions, Simmons. There could even be spinoffs. Season 2- Farm Cruise, same rules apply. And the third season could even be Simmons based. Simmons Cruise! How long till you fuck him?

(It should be noted that I am not drunk, but this is a well-developed concept that came to me while drinking.)

So we will see if I get picked, lol.